Self Care for the Employees Willing to Ask the Hard Questions
Prior to joining the 18 Coffees team, I spent 10 years providing mental health services to children, adolescents and adults experiencing crises. In Emergency and Trauma Departments across the Chicagoland area, my teams deescalated and triaged countless distressed individuals and families reeling from a wide range of stressors: pressures to excel in academics and athletics, death of a loved one due to gun violence, a motor vehicle collision, a suicide, the onset of a first psychotic episode, child sexual abuse, chronic homelessness, etc. I’ve evaluated more than 10,000 people, and each encounter was an absolute honor. Patients’ circumstances varied, as diverse as the region itself, and everyone was doing the best with what they had. The unifying factor, however, was that no matter the resources available, education attained or other measure of socio-economic status, the struggle was very real for everyone.
Working overnight shifts in an acute care setting will certainly wear a person down. Ultimately, I decided to pivot away from direct-practice clinical work and start a career in social impact consulting. I wanted the chance to bring my social work insights and values to a space that drives change in a different way. I was ready to tackle another challenge.
In my current role at 18 Coffees, I bring my deep understanding of what makes people tick to the creative problem-solving process. My experience adds a unique perspective, informing how I craft solutions and support our client relationships. However, more than anything, my past work has helped to redefine what it really means for me to take good care, especially while managing job-related stress. Dealing in matters of life and death implored me to reevaluate what measures I must take to ensure my own health and wellbeing. It also drew my attention to the aspects of a work environment (cultural norms, organizational structure, leadership style) that either help or hinder me and my colleagues along the way.
As a result, I have a difficult time with the term “self-care.” In its most commonly recognized form, in the most basic sense, I feel it is overutilized and superficial. “Don’t forget to practice self-care! Do yoga, drink more water, read a book, plan a three-day weekend!” people say with the goal of encouraging thoughtful and active self-care practices, placing an onus on the individual to protect their wellbeing. But what a disservice we do ourselves at stopping there. Mere bandaids on a much deeper and insidious sore. I have come to better understand how structural violence, factors like health, economic, gender and racial disparities, normalized in our society, are reinforced in the work environment. Alongside hustle culture, these forces stack the cards against all efforts at self-preservation. While impactful to some degree (diehard hot yoga lover, myself!), practicing yoga or reading a book does not encourage us to confront the systemic and environmental factors that contribute to (or create) this pervasive, overwhelming stress in the first place. It is possible to achieve productivity goals while also extending grace and understanding to employees and fellow colleagues; to meet deadlines of a new client project while taking a minute to check-in with your team about how things are going as far as delegation of tasks or overall expectations.
What if we, in both our personal and professional lives, started by asking the following:
Why do we feel compelled to be perfect, to act with urgency outside of truly urgent circumstances, to fall into the trap of all or nothing thinking? To fit in, to make more, have more, do more, to be more…?
Are the pressures we are navigating aligned with the life we want for ourselves or our loved ones?
What is it all for, in the end?
In what ways do our environments build us up or break us down?
What are the whys that drive us?
If these questions make you uncomfortable, maybe that’s a sign that this is the nudge you need. That’s what the clinician in me believes, at least. Meet your resistance with curiosity.
The following are a list of guidelines I have come to follow while navigating all things personal and professional:
On self-reflection
Push yourself to be uncomfortable, to ask vulnerable questions and learn something new. Dive in and make mistakes. Perfection is a myth, the most unattainable goal. And the irony is that we’re actually made stronger and more resilient by falling, getting back up and then falling again.
Instead of self care, consider the act of communal care by finding ways to be a better neighbor, getting involved with an activity or cause that contributes to the greater good. Look for opportunities where your organization can get involved with those in need.
Engage in self-reflection that encourages holding grace for yourself and others, and pushes you to be better according to your values, not your skills.
Find ways to practice gratitude for what you have. Gratitude encourages compassion, enhances self-esteem, builds resilience and broadens perspective. A few ways to do this include keeping a gratitude journal, volunteering for a cause that moves you or saying ”thank you” more often. If this one feels difficult because you are navigating challenges that weigh heavily on your mind or body, skip and come back to it another day. There is always time for gratitude.
On self-advocacy
Advocate for just and adequate compensation that is commensurate with your experience and the value you bring to the workplace. If you decide to take lower compensation, make sure it is because you can make up for it by learning new skills or gaining exposure to new spaces.
Don’t be afraid to teach people how to treat you, for you are your single strongest advocate.
On boundary-setting
Say no to or opt out of spaces, forces or relationships that do not value your individuality, respect your perspective, and honor your personhood.
Prioritize time and energy in non-work related endeavors.
On changing the system
Question the status quo. In your close circles and, even better, within larger institutions, ask why things are the way that they are and find opportunities to advocate for meaningful change. Don’t be afraid to speak up because chances are others around you are thinking the same thing.
Think about what is meant when using the word “fit” related to workplace culture. What is the standard being used and why? Fitting in with whom? Question the ways that organizations jeopardize opportunity for creativity and individuality by (even unconsciously) adopting what are oftentimes eurocentric, heteronormative ideals?
Put simply, I ask that you reflect on aspects of your personal and professional lives that leave you feeling dissatisfied, unmotivated, frustrated or defeated. My hope is that these guidelines are useful in finding a path towards a more well-cared-for version of you.
